Witty Comebacks
by XaLo
Summary: ONE-SHOT Raph teaches Leo some neat pick up lines. (Really that's the only thing.)


Warning; Will contain mention and actions that will indicate on T-cest. Not your cup of tea then don't bother reading.  
Pairing; Leo/Raph (of course, I mean, they are adorkable3)  
Rating; T ( I guess?)  
Disclaimer; I don't own these two sexy turtle, nor do I own TMNT. 

* * *

Leonardo grumbled and groaned as he marched into his room and slammed his door shut, not paying attention to his red-banded brother who only seconds later emerged from the wooden door.

Eyeing the blue eyed terrapin, the younger of the two gingerly closed the door before taking a seat on the worn out rug on the floor.

"Ya okay, bro?" he asked, quirking a brow when the older rolled his eyes and flopped down on his bed.

"No, I'm not! I mean...I am, but I'm just...not! It's complicated!" he mumbled, grumbling and make no much sense at all in Raph's ears.

"Yeah, I hear that." He sighed sarcastically and watched as his brother rubbed his eyes, paying little attention to Raph's snarky remark which said turtle found to be slightly irritating.

"It's just...you'd think after facing a herd of evil aliens, after battling one of the most ruthless villain ever walked on earth and, topping it all, preventing an intergalactic war and saved the human race, that one would actually have enough courage as to actually ask someone out on a date." Leo went on, assuring Raph's theory on that Leo either didn't hear him or that he simply and completely ignored him.

"But nooo, he's just chickening in terror and letting the chance slip away. "he groaned loudly, muffling his obnoxious grumble with a pillow he'd snatched behind his head.

The red-clad brother eyed him suspiciously while putting two and two together, a mocking grin only spreading on his lips as he understood what his brother was so worked up about.

"You and that stupid show..." he grunted, failing to notice that his brother breathed a low 'what' in confusion.

"What?" Leo spoke a bit louder then, earning nothing more than a mocking laugh from his younger brother.

"Y'know, that show is seriously messing with yer brain. Such drama crap is only good for ya if ya have the blessin's and luck to find someone that ya like and that will like ya back."

"You're saying that like you believe in that the four of us will live without learning of love, or falling in love." He said dryly, frowning while staring at the big cracks decorating his ceiling.

"Ain't it true though?" Raph huffed, shrugging like it was no big deal although fairly certain that Leo couldn't see him doing so.

Leo however grew silent instead of responding, and while he himself strongly believed that there was no such thing as living without love, he couldn't blame Raph for doubting the unfamiliar feeling such as love. It was true that they've all felt love, but only in family, which Leo had learned only recently wasn't the same as the love that you shared with a mate or a lover. It was said to be more intimate, fiery and warmer in some way, although still sweet and innocent at the touch.

But of course doubt was still a strong emotion that easily clouded Leo's resolves.

They were outcasts living in the sewers. They were errors to the world that only existed because of a sheer and unfortunate accident.

The chances of a human falling for one of them, or even _finding_ one of them, were second to none.

"...Maybe you're right...And maybe you're wrong." The blue banded one stated finally.

The discouraged tone in his voice was inevitable and Raph was quick to catch it. He had come to cheer him up, but clearly he was only making it worse...

"Well, ehm, maybe it's the way he's approachin' them?" Raph suggested, hoping to break the uncomfortable and awkward atmosphere the two of them unconsciously had built."Yknow, maybe just saying 'Hi' works?"

Leo frowned as he got up on his elbows in order to raise a brow at the other.

"No it doesn't," he said before his frown deepened, "It doesn't work that way. This guy is just too..."he stopped, fidgeting and thinking of the right word to use. "...nervous."

Raph was silent for a moment as he thought about it.

"Okay so sayin' 'Hi' is off the table then..."

"Oh, really?" Leo deadpanned harmlessly as Raph shrugged once more.

"He could always try pickup lines, right?" He suggested while the older brother let out a groan and flopped back down.

"I clearly stated that this guy is nervous. What makes you think a pick up line is going to work when he can't even utter a simple 'Hi"? " he sighed before sitting back up and turning to face Raph. "Also, have you not heard all of the comebacks for those?"

"Alright then, how about this," Raph started as a playful sneer reached his lips. "I'll say a pick up line and ya use whatever comeback you've heard for it."

Leo gave him a look. "And why should I-"

"It's just a test." He cut him off. "The one that ya can't think of a comeback for is bound to work." He stated confidently. "Yer always bragging about knowin' everythin', so if ya can't figure out a comeback then—"

"Okay, I get it." he assured irritably, shooting a glare before quietly mumbling. "I don't _brag_ about anything..."

"Sure ya don't." he rolled his eyes, seating himself on the bed next to his brother as he started humming; musing on what line he should use.

"How did ya get so beautiful?" Raph couldn't withstand a smirk as he watched the elders' face go from bemused to blossom red less than a second.

"That isn't a pick up line!" he accused hotly, unwittingly offering a better reason for his brother to snicker.

"Sure it is, I just said it as if I wanted yer ass. Now reply with the first thing that comes to yer mind." He retorted, enjoying the rare sight of his baffled older brother.

"How did ya get so beautiful?" Raph repeated only after a while, thinking his brother might've forgotten.

"I must have been given your share." Leo replied as he let his chin rest against his palm before he glanced at a wide eyed Raphael for a moment.

The red-clad turtle just stared at him for a moment, almost as if he wanted to comment on the snarky remark, but the words that he was looking for was nowhere to be found.

Shaking his head slightly he thought of another one.

"If there wasn't any gravity on earth, I'd still fall for you." He tried, more than amused.

"Good luck, because I won't be there to catch you." He replied momentarily after, smiling slightly.

Raph's eyes widen only slightly as he gave his brother a look. "Talk about a charmer." He mocked, leaning back against the wall as he thought of what else to try.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together." He grinned contently.

This time there was no hesitation at all from the elder brother. "That's ok, I like it just the way it is now- with N and O together."

"Ya just like being all dark and gloomy." The younger exclaimed, still enjoying their calm time together.

Leo breathed an amused laugh while shrugging. "You started this, not me."

"Okay, moving on..." the red-clad turtle sighed and rolled his eyes before smirking again." I bet I could make ya real happy."

"Why? Are you leaving?" Leo restrained from laughing as a frown came to the youngers face.

Surely no one else than Leo could come up with these ridiculous comebacks in such a short notice.

"Hey babe, what's yer sign?"

Leo smirked devilishly. "Do not enter."

"Where have ya been all my life?"

"Hiding from you." The older terrapin said easily as Raph let out a huff and chuckle.

"Damn Leo, ya sure are anti-everything, aren't ya?" he accused, his smile however being inevitable as this was more fun than what he'd had all day.

"You say the lines, I make a comeback. I thought that was the deal?" he sneered, skillfully avoiding an attempted and playful attack from his hot-tempered brother.

"Okay, what would ya say if I asked ya to marry me?" Raph asked as he straightened up and leaned against the wall.

Leo was silent then as he simply raised a brow at Raph.

"I don't know," he mumbled finally, seeing Raph lit up thinking he'd actually had him with that one, "I can't really laugh and talk at the same time." He finished, watching his brother go back in thoughts with a frown.

"Haven't I seen ya some place before?" Raph tried again, simply refusing to give up and knowing that Leo couldn't have a smart comeback to all of them.

"Yes, and that's why I don't go there anymore." He replied smoothly, enjoying this thoroughly more and more by each passing second.

"Is this seat empty?" he asked as he swiftly scooted closer to Leo, emphasizing his question.

"Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

"Do ya believe in love at first sight? Or should I just walk by again?"

"Raph, really? That's not a-" Leo said sneering as Raph cut him off by crossed his arms.

"It is, now the comeback sword-boy, unless ya don't have one. Than that's the golden one."

Leo huffed and inhaled, dropping his head back for only a moment before he turned to Raph.

"Yes, and this time keep walking."

Raph faked a look of hurt. "Okay ouch, harsh bro."

Leo only shrugged while crossing his arms over his plastron. "You asked for it, brother. Literally."

"Fine, if we're playing like that—" he started smugly, eyeing his brother defiantly. "If I could see ya naked, with yer ass high up and begging for my cock, I'd die happy." He exclaimed, sneering triumphantly as Leo's face immediately turned to crimson red, stuttering and gulping while he seemed to have trouble with finding his voice.

"It IS a pick up line!" The sai wielder defended himself, knowing his brother would accuse him of making it up once again.

"You can't just say that to someone! Oh god's Raph, don't you have any manners at all?!" he scowled, eyes searching his room for anything besides Raph to look at.

"I guess that line wins then, unless—"

"IF I could see you naked, adding in all what you said, I'd be dying from laughter!" Leo hastily shouted, curtly interrupting the younger teen before he could finish.

It wasn't the respond that he had wished for, so naturally it discouraged him slightly when he was receiving the remarks. Not that they weren't clever ones, even Raph had to admit that some of them were spot on and smart, although however clever they were, they left a bad aftertaste.

If Leo saw him naked and begging for his dick he'd be drooling all over the fucking mattress. He wouldn't be able to remember how to talk, let alone how to laugh.

Raph frowned and scoffed lightly, leaning with his shell against the hard surface of the wall behind them as he pondered on whatever line he should use next. Luck however didn't seem to like him at the moment so he had to actually muse a while longer than the other times when the lines had just come naturally.

Then finally a blessed thought seemed to go off as his last line came to him, accompanying it with a rather sly and unfair act that he knew Leo would hate him for later, however having it in mind now there was simply no way he could ignore it.

With a lewdly smirk Raph leaned closer to Leo's own personal space, swiftly bringing their faces inches apart as he reached out a hand to cup his brothers chin and holding him steady for him to breathe on his lips.

"They say sex is a killer, and I've got a big one. Do ya want to die happy and see how hard it works?".

Leo's eyes widened in bemusement as his face blossomed to complete red, all too red and warm so that even Raph could feel the warmth against his hand holding his brothers chin.

"What—No! I mean—You can't-! Wait no! I I can't—you don't-! I..."

Raph's grin couldn't possibly get any bigger than how it was now." Then I hereby declare that that one takes it all! That one is the winner!" Raph cheered in victory as he withdrew from the other and threw his hand up in a winning pose. "That's how ya pick up the ladies, bro. No one will resist ya now when ya know it, I guarantee it!" he snickered.

Seconds later he could hear Leo let out a long, shaky sigh and Raph raised a confused brow when the other terrapin had placed one hand on Raph's shoulder and made him turn back around to face him.  
Even though Leo's eyes simply refused to meet Raph's the younger of the duo could clearly see the embarrassed state that his older brother was in judging by how incredibly red his face currently was.

What Leo murmured next was not something Raph ever expected to hear, at least not directed to him.

"T-They say sex is a killer, and I've got a big one...Do ya want to die happy and see how hard it works?". He was even stuttering, his face was even burning hotter as Raph just stared at him with wide, green eyes.

Had Leo just...? Did he just...?

"Uhm, Leo are ya...Did ya just...hit on me? "

"..." Leo, no surprises here, still kept his eyes downwards and simply sat quiet on the bed, the blush never leaving.

Nothing more than a small, yet sincere, smile brushed over Raph's sudden dry lips and he found himself actually huffing a loads of heavy air out from his lungs, uncertain of when he'd started to hold it in in the first place.

"Oh jesus Leo, yer such a dork!" he stated, an unfamiliar warmth spreading across his face once Leo eyes finally darted up to meet his own.

"Excuse you?" his glared, however his composed and collected posture didn't reach to cover his cracking self; his vulnerable and '_weak' _self, as he would call it.

"Oh man, this is...this is something, bro. This is hilarious!" Raph continued, either not caring about his brothers' discomfort or that he didn't simply recognize him speaking at all, whichever it was Leo didn't know.

"Glad one of us is enjoying themselves..." Leo said dryly, scooting himself closer to the edge of the bed and getting ready to leave, thinking that his brother was mocking him rather than taking him seriously.

"H-Hey, wait, " Raph called, quickly grabbing his brothers wrist and tugging him back down to the soft mattress again. With Leo stumbling down, Raph easily positioned himself on top of the other, grinning like a fool as he watched his brothers frown deepen with the blush.

"Raph-!" Leo's eyes went wide then for a moment before a scowl evolved within him. What was he doing?

"Yeah, Leo. Say my name," he breathed as he moved even closer to his brother, smiling only wider when he saw Leo realize that this was no longer a joke, but very much real, "You'll be screaming it later."

Placing a hand underneath the other's chin, Raph chuckled at the small embarrassed glare that he was receiving as he leaned impossibly closer, their lips touching briefly.

"Although from ya, a simple 'Hi' would've been more than enough."

* * *

Oh my god, I'm sorry for the ending, I just, sorta panicked and it turned out like that.  
Ahahaha...I should...probably go back to my other stories...the ones that I haven't uploaded anything on for at least 2 months...Yeah...  
I'll just leave this here.


End file.
